Where to start, where to start… hmmmmmm…

JACK JOHNSON CONCERT:
I guess I will start with Kaiden and I’s date night to go see Jack Johnson in concert.  We had a BLAST and Kaiden really enjoyed going with me.  Kaiden is a huge Jack Johnson fan and so am I.  I don’t think there has been a night in the past couple years that Kaiden has not fallen asleep to the Curious George soundtrack playing on her iPod, not to mention I play him in the car all the time, so she was excited to go.  I got to catch up with some old friends from high school while we were there and I also got to meet TJ (who I have known online for quite some time now) and his wonderful family, so it was a really fun night.

We had great seats, we each got a t-shirt to remember the night and Kaiden stood on her seat the whole time so she could dance next to me.  This concert was easily one of the best concerts I have ever been to.  He sounded amazing the entire night.  I recorded some video footage at the concert, feel free to enjoy (although I suck at video-taping stuff).

SHOPLIFTING:
Ashton had to learn about stealing last weekend.  Kaiden learned about 8 months ago when I had her and a friend of hers from school in the grocery store and her friend told her “you’re allowed to take the candy from all those candy bins, it’s free” - to which she was in for a rude awakening when I turned around and saw the two of them chewing on some gummy worms and proceeded to GO OFF on them in the middle of the store about stealing and that EVERYTHING has to be paid for - NOTHING is free!  Ashton’s story was a little different, we were on our way to my mom’s house early on Saturday morning, so the kids could hang with her so I could go running and we stopped at Wawa so I could grab a banana and I could get the kids each a donut and a milk.  Ashton came in with me and immediately started asking for EVERYTHING BUT a donut and I continuously repeated “NOTHING, you can have nothing else except a donut and a strawberry milk!” 

We got our stuff and got in the car and got about a half mile down the road when I heard paper ripping in the back seat… I looked back and he is huddled in the corner so I cannot see what he is doing.  I said “Are you ripping paper or something Ashton?” and he looked at me and held out his had and had a little yellow now and later candy from the 5 cent bins at the register.  I had to pull the car over I was so angry.  I told him I should call the police RIGHT NOW and have them come get him and take him away for stealing.  There was a lot of crying, and a lot of “I am so sorry’s” and I am pretty sure he will not ever do it again after I scared the living shit out of him… he won’t even talk about the incident now… with anyone!  I am pretty sure BOTH my kids are very clear now that everything is paid for!  PERIOD.

NEW FAVORITE HAIR PRODUCT:
Nadine got me a bottle of this “It’s a 10” hair product and I am IN LOVE with it.  Do yourself a favor and get some!  It makes your hair feel amazing, protects it from blow drying and flat ironing and the next day, when you go to wash your hair, you can feel that your hair is all slick when you wet it and KNOW it was in your hair doing what it was supposed to!  Awesome stuff.  I tried a sample of the conditioning mask as well and liked that a lot too!

BAM!
There is this episode of “The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack” that Ashton thinks is the funniest thing in the world!  Flapjack and his sidekick K’nuckles get into a pushing match and every time someone goes down they yell “BAM!” like freaking Emeril Lagasse.  I could not find a clip of the part that Ashton thinks is so funny, but I found a clip from the episode:

Basically, after K’nuckles pushes Flapjack down 30 times, he finally teaches Flapjack how to push back and tells him “Now get ready boy, straighten out your back, put your angry face on and come at me!” so now around our house, all of a sudden (and ALL THE TIME) you will hear Ashton’s voice creep up behind you “Back Straight… Angry Face On (he makes a great pouty/angry face)...” then you will feel him slam into you and yell “BAM!” - LOADS OF FUN I TELL YOU!

UPDATE:  Found it…

Now imagine Ashton saying that over and over… welcome to my life.

Several days ago I purchased the above Victoria Secret bikini top on Ebay to go with the matching bottoms that I already own.  I have a tankini top to go with them now, but wanted a bikini top for an upcoming trip.  I paid a whopping $10 for it with $3 shipping - new with tags.  Can’t beat that!!!  The bikini top came in yesterday (just as described) in a box filled with propaganda like the three examples below:

I feel so thankful that this woman included all this literature in the box with my purchase.  I had NO CLUE that the world was ending on May 21, 2011.  It’s a Saturday, which I guess that’s good, so I won’t have to use up a vacation day for it.  I am glad that I decided to get the bikini top and enjoy it THIS SUMMER, since apparently, I won’t be able to get much use out of it next summer.  I am also guessing that this literature doubles as this woman’s “Return Policy” - I am guessing she won’t be around to handle returns after this date.

I went ahead and gave her positive feedback since the item was in fact new with tags, shipped fast and had no defects.  I did not bother wishing her luck on May 21, 2011 in my feedback notes… as I am quite sure she is already thoroughly prepared for that day!

Walked in to work this morning to find the above written next to my name on the In/Out Board (Sucking It), thanks to my wonderful co-worker Jeff.  Jeff and I have a GREAT working relationship and honestly he is one of the funniest people I know… he is constantly cracking me the hell up, as seen in his response below to my Happy Birthday message on Facebook the other day (of course you can’t look at his profile picture without cracking up period… wearing a beret and holding a trumpet - HILARIOUS):

Completely unrelated, the building next to my office has been empty for MONTHS (it used to house the crazies that frequent 7-11, but they moved across the street).  Last week a group of about ten HOT-AS-HELL Navy Seal looking guys all pulled up in pick-up trucks and on motorcycles, etc and started unloading a whole bunch of tactical gear into this building, which I watched them, drooling the entire time they did so, you can see that I have a perfect view:

See all their manly trucks backed in and the motorcycle?  That’s right, they are in there right now with all their hotness, doing GOD KNOWS WHAT.  Everyday or every other day, they pull up, unload tactical gear and coolers, go in this building, stay in there all day, then load everything back up and chat for a few minutes outside then leave.  Everyday I can see it from my office window, which makes me curious about several things: (1) What the hell are they doing in that building - some kind of top secret war-gaming, (2) Are they as hot close up as they are from afar and (3) Which one of them is single and taking me out for a drink?  I tried standing in the window while they were all congregated holding the following make-shift sign up in the window as my co-workers died laughing in the background, calling me a retard:

Unfortunately, none of them looked up to see my hard work and efforts!  So now I am going to have to strategically park my car on that side of the building and when they are out there chatting, act like I need something from my car to try and make contact with them… How is this for a line: “Hey what are you guys doing in that building, some kind of top secret military stuff… and what I mean by that question is which one of you is single and taking me out?”  Too strong?  I think I may have to settle on enjoying them as eye candy from afar…

Now for some very important information… I changed my VM greeting on my phone… exciting stuff huh?  Have you seen the hilarious Old Spice commercials like this one:

God they are so funny… well I have changed my VM to him talking for me and now my VM is DIAMONDS.  Have a listen (and yes for the purpose of this post, I changed the phone number to 8675309 - now you’ll be singing that song all day)!

Today’s sampling of text messages comes from the wonderful Miss Jamie, Ashton’s teacher at his Summer Rec program that deserves a medal for dealing with him:

10:36AM:
So, it wouldn’t dare be a day at the movies if Ashton didn’t spill something. LOL. Popcorn & drink all over the floor! And he goes “Ahh nuts!”

10:46AM:
He just did it for a second time too :/ LOL This time he said “Ahh double nuts!” Haha, I love him.

1:30PM
Hey Misty! So it started to pour at the park and Ashton was having a meltdown so I put him on the bus with a teacher and now we are all about to head back to WAVE. (Thanks Storm Phobia)

1:31PM
He is doing great now though! Just tried calling so he could say hi! Hope you r having a great day!!!

Thank god she loves him to death… because he could try the patience of a monk.

My baby brother is 30 years old today!  As a special treat, I decided to log into his Facebook account and change his profile picture to the one you see above.  It was the least I could do for him on the anniversary of the day of his birth.  My post from last year still holds true… he is a great brother and an amazing uncle to my children!  Happy Birthday Billy… we love you bunches!!!

I said “Ashton, what in the hell are you doing son?”  and his reply was “WHAT? This looks really cool mom!  I am wearing it like this today!”  And he REALLY believed that it did look really cool.  Except it was not “Misfits” cool like this:

No no… it was more Eddie Munster cool like this:

As we pulled up to his summer rec program and Miss Jamie saw us, she commented “WOW Ashton, your hair looks AWESOME buddy!” and he looked right at me and said very loudly (because that is how he rolls) “SEE MOM, I TOLD YOU THIS LOOKED COOL!” I looked at Miss Jamie and rolled my eyes… and she started dying laughing, because she knows Ashton all too well!!!  This boy is going to be the death of me.

Enjoy some Misfits in honor of Ashton this morning!

The Misfits, Devilock:

Last night after dinner, Kaiden watched a “Dog the Bounty Hunter” episode on TV with her father.  For some unknown reason, she became completely enthralled with the show and lucky for her they were running a damn marathon of them last night.  She seriously BEGGED me to let her skip showering until the morning so she could lay in bed and continue watching the show.  Hesitantly, I agreed to let her do so.  At 9:30 when I told her she had to shut it off and go to sleep… she lasted 5 minutes in bed before she was in my room crying that she was scared of “criminals” and begging to sleep in my bed.

Guess who will NOT be watching anymore Dog the Bounty Hunter? (Thank God!)

And damn if she didn’t get a clear shot of the body just laying there in the 120 degree sand.  It is days like this that make me SO PISSED that I have a job!!!  I missed all this great action… and you KNOW how much Dena and I love being involved in local investigations…  UGGHH!!!  She said that they left his body just laying there for like almost two hours… just covered up with a sheet and with his mangled beach chair hanging out next to him.  I am shocked they left the body there that long… in that heat, I mean it has been like 103 degrees here every day for the last week.  Sad.  You can read the story about it here.  And YES… Ethan DID GET ON THE NEWS… it is brief… but he did it!  His day totally trumped Kaiden’s day getting a cast… when we saw him last night so he could sign Kaiden’s cast, Kaiden said “Ethan, I got my cast” and Ethan replied “I saw a dead body and got on the news!” - OWNED!  Here is the news clip where you can see his little head in the background:

Kaiden and Ethan are spending the day together today, since Kaiden’s summer camp is going to the beach today and she is not supposed to go to the beach with her cast (not to mention, apparently trucks are just running people down at the beach now in broad daylight).  They are going to the pool in a little while and have spent their morning having a dance party on the Wii, which Dena so nicely video-taped…

When their future boyfriends/girlfriends complain about how close they are… this is the video we will break out and tell them they have no valid argument and either accept it… or move on.  And yes Ethan is wearing his underwear and a Karate Kid style headband… that’s how Ethan rolls!