Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.

Gosh - there is lots I hope to do in my life, but first and foremost would be LEARN HOW TO STICK TO A DAMN BUDGET!  To actually have money in savings and not be scrambling every time something comes up.  Forget Home Economics or Shop Class in schools - TEACH THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS TO KIDS.  It’s ridiculous.  It should be something that is a class just like Math or Science that you take all throughout school.  What else?  I would like to travel more.  Take actual yearly vacations.  See my kids grow up and succeed in life.  Run a full marathon (this one may not happen).  I would like to continue making great memories with my great group of friends.  I would like to stress less and enjoy more.  The list is long my friends! Very long.

Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.

I

really hard to not carry around grudges.  I really do.  I do not do well with conflict.  I am SUCH an emotional person, that when conflict arises, it seriously just kills me emotionally.  I cannot concentrate, I cannot work, I cannot sleep… it’s horrible.  All I can focus on is the conflict.  So if I am the one that caused it, I try to apologize quickly and fix it.  There are times that I may just sense something is not right and will flat out ask “have I done something to upset you?  If so, I am SO sorry.”  If someone hurts me, if they say sorry and MEAN IT - we’re cool.  PERIOD.  I don’t carry around grudges, I don’t have enough room in my heart for them.  I am frustrated with people, things, etc. in my life, but I don’t carry a grudge.  If you are sorry, then it is done.  Move on.

Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.

If I had to pick one thing that I love about myself it would be my sense of humor and quick wit.  God knows it gets me through this shit-storm of a life I got going on.  I try to find the funny in EVERYTHING and if there is no funny to be found… that makes it even funnier to me.  I appreciate the hell out of my friends because they share my humor and put up with my filterless, never-ending mouth.  I love that when put in any given situation where the jokes start flying… I can hang like a CHAMPION!  I somehow have a comeback for EVERYTHING.  It is rare that I don’t.  It is like it is a gift.  I could not imagine my life without my sense of humor… it is what makes me… me.

So I read on LaLaGirl’s blog, who read on Joelle’s blog, about needing some blogging inspiration and they are both doing a 30 day sort-of writing challenge where every day for 30 days they answer a question or discuss a topic about themselves.  I have read through the list… and some seam easy and some seam hard… but I am up for a challenge and god knows I need to dust the cobwebs off around here and post more, so I am game and will do it too!  Here are the thirty questions/topics:

Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 — Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 — What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.

There are several things (probably more) that I hate about myself, but I would have to say that the one that comes to mind first and that I think about most often would be my inability to RELAX and LET THINGS GO.  I have some serious OCD tendencies, and this falls under that domain and it varies big time from small minute things to HUGE ongoing issues in my life.  It could be as small as getting the housework done (ALL DONE in a manner that is deemed acceptable to ME) BEFORE all the planned activities for the weekend occur, or knowing something that needs to get done and not having the time to get it done.  Most people can shrug it off and say “oh well screw it…” but I have a hard time with that… it consumes me and I don’t feel like I can move forward until I can mentally check it off the list.  Which leads to the mental list… my brain never stops, I am constantly going over this mental list of everything that needs to get done and it is exhausting.  I would give anything to be able to have a “f*ck it” type attitude so that I could RELAX and enjoy more and stress less.  I feel like in a lot of ways it is a debilitating trait to have.  I am organized as crap… but feel cheated in other areas.  And it is not something I can just change about myself.  I wish it was.

Up until this past Sunday - I had NEVER eaten a pistachio - not one - not my whole life.  While lounging at the pool on Sunday with Dena, our friend Mary had a huge bag of them with her and I confessed to Dena that I had never eaten one.  She made me try one, which led to a handful, which has now led to a full on addiction.  Damn you pistachios… why are you so delicious?  I was better off not knowing.