CM Spam Responses

My co-worker, Christopher May, loves when he gets a good SPAM email in his junk mail folder at work.  He will take the time to respond to the SPAM messages.  It is SUCH an honor that he decides to copy me on those responses.

From: Rabat Muellerah []
Sent: Monday, December 23, 2013 7:00 AM

From Rabat Muellerah Al-Yar"Adua
Plot 235, Lord Harrington Drive,
Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria.

Hello Dear.
With great expectations and respect for your personality. I sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail instead of a Certified mail/Post-mail.This is due to the urgency attached to this information. I humbly crave your indulgence to read this e-mail with all seriousness and sincerity of purpose

I am Rabat Muellerah Al-Yar"Adua, a retired college principal, married and younger brother to the demised Chief of Defense Staff of the Federal Republic of Nigeria during the General Sanni Abacha military government General Hallim Musa Yar"Adua. As culture and tradition have it, i have stepped into the headship of our Yar"Adua family.

Having got your email reference from an extensive and painstaking search about investment opportunities in your country, I am pleased contacting you for the possibility of your accepting to assist and partner with me on intent to invest our family finance (inheritance) in your peacefully known country.

Prior to the demise of my elder brother, investing in your peacefully known country was the dream of my late elder brother, and as respect has it  I owe it as a responsibility to toe the his line of choice especially as it concerns the country he so much cherished and held at high esteem during his life time. We would be pleased to be associated with you in this noble

We would appreciate your candid acknowledgement. Remain blessed, while we anticipate with great expectations.

Thanks and accept my Warm Regards,
Rabat Muellerah Al-Yar"Adua


From: Christopher May
Sent: Tuesday, January 21, 2014 10:52 AM

Hello Dearest Rabat.
My personality humbly receives your great expectations and respect! Praise the good omens and gracious forthcomings! Your sensitive information was certainly welcome and expected certified mail/Post-mail but the urgency with which you attach information is received with all seriousness. I am familiar with your elder brother General Hallim, for he and I travelled the old country together many years ago on the backs of broken rabid mules. I can only hope that he passed away peacefully and without the pain of his swelling groin wound from the painful mule bite received on the outskirts Ibadan. Oh how we laughed that night around the campfire as your brother became increasingly delirious and threatened to make love to an entire antelope herd! Those were the days, my dearest friend Rabat! I must confess that I was intrigued when I first opened your gracious email. I have been on the receiving end of some very dubious claims as of late and I find myself in dire straits. Since my return to this peacefully known country my wallet has been man-raped several times and the peaceful country municipals are holding all of my sheep hostage until I can pay them the bribery fees legally imposed on my family. My wife, Shabat Hindura, has been forced to work the plantation farms with small farm implements and horse manure sandwiches for sustenance (oh, the horror my friend!). You can imagine the joy when I learned that my old friend Rabat will be sending me inheritance money to this peaceful known country! Partners you say? Indeed! You shall be pleased to know that as partners we will share in the debt I carry in this country, which only amounts to $37,589,145.23 USD, which must seem such a small amount to one of your stature and position as head of the Yar”Adua family and former Principal of College! Oh how I will be so happy to be free of the municipals man-raping of wallets and Shabat Hindura will no longer wear the perfume of spent horse food on her breath! Please send the amount of debt indicated immediately so we may fresh begin our partnership. Your brother, Hallim the General, will no doubt shine fortunes on you and your family for toeing his line in my favor!

I remain humbly blessed and await your debt relief inheritance that should be sent directly to municipals within three days lest I face punishment of death and fed to my own sheep.

Your partner in beautiful relationship,

Hakim Hindura Habat Himani