My dearest son,

What the hell is wrong with you? You are 11 months old, did you miss the memo about sleeping through the night? I was willing to over look it in the beginning, since you were premature and everything. But now? You look like a miniature sumo wrestler, and if your doctor was correct and weight is the major factor in sleeping through the night, then you should be sleeping for days at a time. You do not take naps and you do not sleep at night. Have mommy and daddy done something to make you mad? Not to keep bringing it up, but we do both have very hectic careers that require some sleep. Okay, well thats all for now, see you in a couple hours.

Love,
Mom