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Christopher May’s Spam Email Responses-11.11.13

CM Spam Responses

My co-worker, Christopher May, loves when he gets a good SPAM email in his junk mail folder at work.  He will take the time to respond to the SPAM messages.  It is SUCH an honor that he decides to copy me on those responses.

-----Original Message-----
From: wkrg38@dsmailc.com [mailto:wkrg38@dsmailc.com] On Behalf Of MR. KRUGER
Sent: Monday, November 11, 2013 1:35 AM
To: victorkruger9@wp.pl
Subject: DEAL{USD250 Million) United State Dollar's.


From: Christopher May
Sent: Monday, November 11, 2013 5:03 PM
To: Misty Scanlon
Subject: RE: DEAL{USD250 Million) United State Dollar's.

Dear Victor,

I was so excited to receive your generous offering of $250 Million Dollars. My current monetary situation has been recently likened to a severe drought in an already drought stricken dessert devoid of any ATM's, money trees, or small rivulets of coinage refreshments - so this is most welcome news. My great aunt Myrtle Smith who now lives in Sandusky has already updated her Christmas list to include new quilting patterns and breast augmentation surgery. Although, seemingly unrelated, Aunt Myrtle was always prone to needlepointing her quilts on the natural shelf of her ample bosom. The unmistakable freak and sudden accident at the factory robbed her of her "second lap" and she has since vowed destruction to all industrial machinery which has led to several unfruitful encounters with the Polish Mafia - which, as you know Victor, fronts the designated repair labor organizations of all machinery institutes in the Western Hemisphere. As a result we find ourselves the named defendant in several pending lawsuits. Needless to say, your agreement to join our cause with your monetary endowment has eased the pressure on our financial liabilities and made our legal representation team agree to meet with us once again. Just the simple act of naming (the famous) Victor Kruger as co-defendant on all of our pending legal obligations has breathed new life into our legal team. We have even put out a request to hire more lawyers of even higher reputation (which I should say has gone quite well since the addition of your name to our legal woes). You should soon see the legal paperwork and law suit information in the mail soon (we trust you are at the same address). Knowing that we are now in the affluent company of the Kruger family, we felt compelled to pre-spend some of your endowment on a small fleet of Chevy Camaros (the pinnacle of rich men's dreams wouldn't you agree?). Driving to court tomorrow as a member of the elite will certainly be the figurative thumb in the Polish Mafia's face! Aunt Myrtle settled for a moon roof after we had depleted the dealer's lot of all convertibles. She is happy nonetheless and I wish you could see her toothless grin as she motors down the Ohio byways. We do believe that your generous gift of $250 Million Dollars will cover the first few months of legal fees and that being named as co-defendant it would be expected of you to continue your generous obligation in the coming legal battle in the American court system. Our legal analysts (also recently hired on retainer billed to the Kruger family) tell us that we can expect a minimum of twelve years before we begin to make headway against the Polish Mafia. We are so proud that you have agreed to be part of the battle and that your wallet is now open to those of us in dire need. I can assure you that while Aunt Myrtle was indeed deliberately attacking machinery and was certainly responsible for the one of the largest production losses in the history of the Polish Mafia reign over the institutes, we continue to fight the good fight despite the video surveillance evidence and secretly taped confessionals which offer very little doubt as to Aunt Myrtle's actions. Surprisingly, our legal team assures us a victory in the face of such obstacles due simply to the very nature of the American Court System. Your monetary obligation will guarantee that the fight will continue in the face of utter hopelessness.

Thank you again,

Your humble legal co-defendant - Charlie "Chuckie" Smith


Kaiden is going to be a FANTASTIC Babysitter!

Indoors Volleyball from soapbox.SUPERSTAR on Vimeo.

Kaiden is usually so great with her "little sister" Riley. She is always helping her with homework, handwriting, etc. Playing with her... she truly treats her like a sister... but with the good, comes the bad. Found this gem of a video on Kaiden's iPhone and just about peed my pants laughing.

Comment • • FILED IN video, riley, kaiden, funny, face smash, 2013


Christopher May’s Spam Email Responses-11.07.13

CM Spam Responses

My co-worker, Christopher May, loves when he gets a good SPAM email in his junk mail folder at work.  He will take the time to respond to the SPAM messages.  It is SUCH an honor that he decides to copy me on those responses.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jamal Steve [mailto:order@templessuplyinc.com]
Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2013 11:11 AM
To: Misty Scanlon
Subject: Order Require

Hello Sales,

I would like to place an order in your store Do you ship to tuvalu?
Do you do accept credit card payment?
Please kindly let me now and i will be glad to proceed with my order.

From: Christopher May
Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2013 12:29 PM
To: Jamal Steve [mailto:order@templessuplyinc.com]
Subject: RE: Order Require

Dear C.E.O "Steve" (aka Jamal),

We sincerely appreciate your interest in our fledgling company. As you are well aware, our full line of latex bondage clothing is unique in the wearable rubber-goods industry. We know that our customers are extremely fastidious when it comes to selecting the right product. We design each piece of bondage-wear with you, the masochist, in mind. Our stain-resistant line of pants and onesies (SNAPFIT ®) has hit the market to rave reviews. As a current customer, you know the importance of ‘fluid’-resistant wearables! Our SNAPFIT ® line meets your expectations without the typical “issues” encountered in full-length rubber wear – our designers have worked around the clock to reduce chafing, latex rashes, and minor chemical burns associated with our previous line.

We certainly appreciate your willingness to continue shopping with us despite the recent negative publicity and pending class-action lawsuit. We certainly cherish every customer who has not already been contacted by the Better Business Bureau, the FBI, or the law firm of Henkle, Hinkle, and Schmidt. We hope you share our sentiment that the recent incident that involved the vinyl anal beads and that poor llama in Morroco were merely misunderstood instances of user error. After viewing your recent orders, Mr. Steve, we know that you are a fine connoisseur of some of our more popular anal products and can certainly attest to their safety when used in the proper manner.

To answer your question, we are temporarily banned from doing any business in Tuvalu by the national governing board of trade. We assure you that the circumstances surrounding our being banned are merely only accusations and should not worry you, nor deter you from placing future orders. We can however ship to the nearby island of Nauru and have a chartered boat assigned to hand deliver your product order. Are you in Funafuti, or close by? Shipping charges will need to be increased substantially to cover boating and handling expenses and we must insist that these charges be paid for up front. Of course we cannot calculate final fees until you place your order, but we can estimate cost of shipping in the 4 to 10 thousand Euro range (of course charges are higher during the rainy season). I will add that we are offering a special on ball gags through December.

We look forward to receiving your order Mr. Steve.


John Semen, CEO


Christopher May’s Spam Email Responses-11.01.13

CM Spam Responses

My co-worker, Christopher May, loves when he gets a good SPAM email in his junk mail folder at work.  He will take the time to respond to the SPAM messages.  It is SUCH an honor that he decides to copy me on those responses.

From: Climate Change [mailto:nmf.climate1@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 31, 2013 7:07 PM
Subject: Climate Change Awareness Fund

Attn: Sir/Madam,

View attached letter and contact Prof. Clarke

Ms. Figueres

From: Christopher May
Sent: Friday, November 01, 2013 10:00 AM
To: Climate Change
Subject: RE: Climate Change Awareness Fund

Dear Ms. Figueres,

Thank you so much for the information. I contacted “the Professor” and he was quite informative, but I believe that he may be under duress (or possibly struggling with his opiate addiction – which, by the way, he says you are acutely aware of). I am not sure how to proceed with “the fund” knowing that Professor Clarke will be unable to provide assistance in the usual manner. As you know, his vintage VW Bus is in the shop (again) and he is unable to leave town until they clear out the gas lines from yet another attempt at skirting the gas industry (bravo, Professor!). Without reliable transportation and my second battle with gout in full bloom I find myself stranded at my apartment, forced to watch the action from the sidelines. On a good note, I am pleased to tell you that my new remote control arrived in the mail yesterday (thank you) and I am able to now watch more than one channel. Although I will miss the recurring episodes of Hogans Heros and the Brady Bunch that TV Land is so fond of, I think my new ability to change channels bodes well for me and is a sign that the universe is finally seeing that I get a fair shake. Wouldn’t you agree? Anyway, I have made arrangements with the Professor to establish a carrier pigeon service between our respective locations so that we may continue our conversation without the hindrances of “prying eyes” (I think you know who I am talking about…). I should be in touch within a fortnight to report our progress. “The Fund” lives on despite our recent setbacks and I can assure you that once the bus is up and running we can continue our forays into climate change joy (may it live forever!).

With that, my dear Ms. Figueres, I bid you adieu. Per protocol (and per “the Fund” handbook), I have reattached the LETTER. Please view immediately.

Mr. Figueres






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