CM Spam Responses

My co-worker, Christopher May, loves when he gets a good SPAM email in his junk mail folder at work.  He will take the time to respond to the SPAM messages.  It is SUCH an honor that he decides to copy me on those responses.

From: Emma Josphen []
Sent: Tuesday, December 03, 2013 4:23 AM
To: Emma Josphen
Subject: Business contacts
Importance: High


Would you be interested in B2B Email List ?

We have segmented our database according to reach your target market (Industry) and have updated lists globally.

Industry Lists: 
Food & Beverage Pharmaceuticals Telecommunications Services
Metal & Mining Supply chain & Logistics Automotive & Transport
Information Technology Research & Consulting Services HR Executives List
Non-profit Organization Environmental Services & Equipment Electrical & Electronics
Energy & Utilities Photography, Media & Publication Electronics
Oil & Gas Government & Public Sector Security Products & Services
Computer Hardware & Embedded Health Care Insurance
Education & Training Industrial Manufacturing Banking
Architecture Chemicals Transportation Services
Hotel & Resort Business Services Agriculture
Financial Services Retail Computer Services
Construction Food Production Real Estate

Information Technology: IBM Users, Sage Users, SAP Users, Oracle Users, Sales force Users, CRM, ERP, Networking, Computer Hardware, Software, and IT Resellers (Value Added Resellers), List Brokers etc,

Data fields:-  First Name, Last Name, Company Name, Company URL, Title, Physical Address, Phone Number, Fax Number, Industry, Revenue Size, Employee size and Email Address.

Please let me know your exact target audience ( Geography, Industry, Job titles you wish to reach) so that I could send you a more information based on your requirements.

Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you.

Emma Josphen
Marketing Executive

Dearest Emma,

In the spirit of the holiday season, please take me off of your mailing list. I receive the same email from different associates (or possible competitors) of yours at least three times a week. I have zero need for your services and would prefer not to receive any more emails. I do respect your enthusiasm and your undying dedication in trying to procure my business despite my continued success of ignoring you and never once responding to your emails…ever. I especially liked how you upped the ante by signifying your emails as “High Importance” – that was a game changer for me and definitely got my attention. Bravo!

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors and continued successes in reaching potential clients. If my position changes to one where I need your services, I have no doubt you will find me. At that time we can discuss the ever-important means to reach my target audience(s) for the yet-to-be-determined products I may be pandering. If that day ever arrives, I hope to be pandering something in the global email marketing arena as it is undoubtedly the future that is within reach today and will surely only prosper with time. Perhaps I will be sending you emails where I request your business. Wouldn’t that be exciting and quite the turn of the old table?!? I will certainly consider using your tactic of signifying emails with “High Importance”, but I will secretly be thinking that it is ME that is important and when you open my email and send my ‘read request’ I will add a point to my special “I’m Important” ledger.

I sincerely appreciate the time you will hopefully expend in removing me from your target market (of which I was never really part of…).

Thank you,

Signed: Person who does not want to receive your emails anymore