Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.

I

really hard to not carry around grudges.  I really do.  I do not do well with conflict.  I am SUCH an emotional person, that when conflict arises, it seriously just kills me emotionally.  I cannot concentrate, I cannot work, I cannot sleep… it’s horrible.  All I can focus on is the conflict.  So if I am the one that caused it, I try to apologize quickly and fix it.  There are times that I may just sense something is not right and will flat out ask “have I done something to upset you?  If so, I am SO sorry.”  If someone hurts me, if they say sorry and MEAN IT - we’re cool.  PERIOD.  I don’t carry around grudges, I don’t have enough room in my heart for them.  I am frustrated with people, things, etc. in my life, but I don’t carry a grudge.  If you are sorry, then it is done.  Move on.

I have not posted a Kaiden or Ashton Says post in a while - so here is one from each of them…

“Mom, did you even realize that I have invisible armpit hair like a real grown man now?” - said out of the blue while sitting at my mom’s kitchen table eating a strawberry frosted donut.

This is a Kaiden and Ethan thing… and was said to Dena and I the last weekend of the pool and cracked us up.

“Don’t get worried if you guys wake up tonight and we are not at home in our beds… We are going to wake up in the middle of the night, walk up to Judy’s Pub, tell them we are midgets and then get ourselves a couple of delicious cold beers…” - to which we replied “Oh really? Well good luck with that!”  Then they ran off cackling like idiots.

Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.

If I have to be completely honest here there are several things, but some of them I just am not going to go into on a public forum like this.  One of the things that I am hard on myself about has to do with my parenting.  For the most part, I am a good mom, I try to be at least, but there are a lot of areas where I am slack.  And there are a lot of different areas that bother me that I probably should let go and get over it.  I keep most of it inside and just let it eat at me quietly, without discussing it with anyone.  There are stupid things like not cooking them decent meals often enough - being okay with mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and some can of veggies - quick meals, instead of taking the time to seriously cook meals.  It’s all the times they yell “mom, come here” and I don’t go.  It’s my son asking if he can take a bath and play with toys in the tub instead of a quick shower and me telling him no, because I just want to get it over with because I am exhausted.  It’s the nights I let them skip reading time, because I am too busy or too lazy to sit with them and do it.  It’s me slacking at lots of little things… then it piling up and me feeling like complete crap about it.  It’s whenever I have issues with one child and feel like I am shafting the other because I just cannot be two of me at once and please them both like they deserve.  It’s me constantly wondering what will be thrown in my face later in life that was not done enough while they were kids.  You get the picture.  It weighs on me pretty heavily.  I try to make up for it with taking them to fun things, stressing myself so that they are involved in extra-curricular activities, etc.  And I am not always slack… but it is enough that it bothers me, and maybe it is not being slack… maybe it is just exhaustion or not enough of me to go around.  I don’t know.  I do know it is probably something I should just let go and be okay with myself and know that I do always try my best.  Well that was sappy… huh?  Wish I had a good joke to end this one on… maybe I’ll just end it with the word FART.  Ashton would think that was funny! 

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Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.

If I had to pick one thing that I love about myself it would be my sense of humor and quick wit.  God knows it gets me through this shit-storm of a life I got going on.  I try to find the funny in EVERYTHING and if there is no funny to be found… that makes it even funnier to me.  I appreciate the hell out of my friends because they share my humor and put up with my filterless, never-ending mouth.  I love that when put in any given situation where the jokes start flying… I can hang like a CHAMPION!  I somehow have a comeback for EVERYTHING.  It is rare that I don’t.  It is like it is a gift.  I could not imagine my life without my sense of humor… it is what makes me… me.